A Detour: Part 1

It's amazing how much can change in just a few short months. It all started with one phone call to my mom.

 

I called to talk to her about my dad in California. My brother had just told her about some health issues that my stepmom said my dad was having. He's always had issues. He was a functioning alcoholic and 61 years old, something was bound to go wrong soon.

 

My heart broke after a phone call to my stepmom. She was tired of him and miserable. He didn't treat her right and she hated him. They basically hadn't spoken kindly to each other in years. He was passing out and having some kind of episodes. She wasn't interested in helping him and he didn't want help. So I basically decided to fly to California and have an intervention with him. It was totally crazy and I'm sure plenty of people thought I was crazy. But I wasn't really interested in the health of his body as much as I was concerned with the health of his soul.

 

Within a week, I was there. Home. I arrived on a Friday afternoon and went to my older brother's house. Early Saturday morning I showed up unannounced at my dad's house (his wife knew I was coming though). It would be an understatement to say that he was surprised! He was though. My stepmom and little brother knew why I was there and after a while, they left so I could talk to him. And I did. I talked and talked. I said everything that I came to say. He listened. He didn't get mad like I had suspected. He opened up and told me things. Things that I knew, things that I didn't know. I reminded him about God and that whether he liked it or not, there is life after death. He always believed in God. I guess he just didn't think God ever had anything to offer him. I left him with a daily bible and Muscle and a Shovel. I knew he wouldn't read them. I had hoped that maybe his wife would and that she could be saved and eventually help him.

 

 

We spent every morning together for 6 days. When it was time for him to go to the bar, I left. I only saw him drunk once and it gave me a horrible feeling. My afternoons and evenings were joyful. I didn't realize how much I missed my family and my best friend. We traveled all around southern California and visited with some great people.

 

 

My suitcase was packed with 6 daily bibles. I gave them to my family and my BFF while I was there. I'm sure they all think I'm crazy but I love them and just want to share eternity in Heaven with them. Nothing wrong with that right :)

 

Four days after I returned home, on my oldest daughter's birthday, my dad died. He just dropped dead in his driveway after returning home from the bar on a Sunday afternoon. I'm afraid that the call from my brother that day, will stay fresh in my head forever. His voice and his words are embedded in my soul now. I had just talked to Dad on Saturday morning. He was concerned about my broken van. He ALWAYS helped me when I needed it. I was his little girl and he wanted me taken care of.

 

I'm finding a tremendous amount of peace in knowing that God worked this out so I could have that time with him. I know without a doubt who is in control here. I could have waited another week to save $300 on my ticket, like my mom reasonably suggested. I could have listened to other people who thought it was hasty to rush across the country just to talk to my dad. But I didn't. God gave me that little voice that said "go now". I listened to that and only that. There are other gifts that God gave to me to bring me peace during this sad time. He is a comforter and He knew what I needed. He has not forsaken me. I'm grateful in a way that no words can describe.

 

Soooo... back to California I went. This time Curtis came with me. I enjoyed seeing many more family members and meeting some of Dad's friends at his memorial service.

 

 

 

We drove Dad's truck across the country and home to Tennessee. It was an adventure to say the least. I enjoy adventure though and thankfully so does Curtis. He's pretty much on board with any crazy idea I have.

We battled storms, bad wipers, a bum tire, an empty bank account, but three days and thirty hours of driving later, we were home with our babies.

 

 

The following weeks I spent many hours in my favorite chair looking out my bedroom window. That's where I found the peace I needed to grieve in the way that I needed to. I still find myself rocking and staring out the window thinking about my dad every day. I've never lost anyone close to me before so the whole idea of losing someone was completely unfamiliar to me. It's like, we all know that we're going to lose our parents (if we're lucky enough to live a long life) but we can't comprehend the sorrow that it causes until it's reality. And reality can suck really bad. Death changes you. Suddenly there's a film of sadness covering every good thing. Every single thing. Joyful fun moments are turned into moments of longing for your loved one to be experiencing that moment with you.

 

It seems like every place and date has special meaning now. They remind you of that time when Dad said or did that one thing. There's no escaping it. The sorrow is everywhere, all the time. Some days are good without a breakdown but the pain is just as strong. It's the bearing of the hurt that changes.

 

Life has new meaning now. And I feel like I have a new purpose. It's not clear right now exactly what that purpose is but it's not the same as it was. We have been very seriously considering moving back (for me) to California. The main reason is a better job offer. But there are many other pros on our list. There's also many cons. But for the time being, we aren't making a decision. Our plan is stay here in our little house on the hill and give it some much needed work. We're working on the floors and the kitchen and painting and replacing all kinds of stuff. If we stay, everything's pretty. If we move, the house in a better condition to sell. We may sell and buy or build here in Tennessee too. Who knows?! Not us :)

 

So, all of this craziness has lead me to search for God's opportunities in my life in the here and now. He offers blessings to us all the time, but some times they're optional. We have the choice to accept them or deny them and we can nurture them or abuse them. Opportunities can come in so many different forms too. God uses every one and every thing He needs to, for His good. So that one little thought lead me to our detour, our opportunity. School.